Turmoil
by chakramchaser
Summary: A/O: This explains why Alex suddenly reinstated the charges against Nikki Sherman's rapist. Set during Season 11 Episode 8, "Turmoil".
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: This contains spoilers for Season 11 Episode 8, "Turmoil". You have been warned. Enjoy!**

Olivia sat on her sofa, curled up under a blanket. She nursed a glass of red wine, sipping from it occasionally. The feel of the alcohol as it slipped down her throat soothed her somewhat as she went over the events of the day.

Olivia knew that Alex was under a lot of stress, especially with the State Bar investigation. Olivia could only imagine what it would be like to go through a situation like Alex's- to lose your entire life and go into Witness Protection to build a new one, then coming back to your old life to rebuild it, only to potentially lose it again. Trying to work it out sent her head spinning. Her heart went out to Alex for having endured it all and ended up standing just as tall as ever.

But today was different. Today Alex had crossed a line. She had sacrificed the conviction of a young girl's rapist to save herself. She had butted into every bit of every case they had going, always telling Elliot in particular what he should and shouldn't be doing. She had gone the extra mile to save herself, but at the expense of others.

Olivia started shaking with rage when she thought of that poor girl probably sitting at home and crying, dreading every day she had to return to school and see her rapist's face. Alex had gone too far with this one.

"Shit…"

Olivia looked down at the splatter of wine on the sofa, and quickly stood up to get a rag. She wiped the wine glass, which had red liquid running down the side, and headed over to the sofa to clean up.

She scrubbed with such severity that the fabric began to heat up with the friction. Once the stain was more or less out, Olivia headed over to the sink. But before she could reach it, there was a knock at the door.

The door swung open with a creak, and Olivia placed her hands on her hips. Alex stood in the doorway, still dressed in her work clothes. Her hair was messy and her blouse was rumpled but the expression on her face was as serious and professional as ever, though her head hung low. Olivia shrugged.

"Why are you here?"

Alex took a shaky breath in. "I…" she faltered.

Olivia cocked an eyebrow at the blonde. "You what?"

Alex looked up from her feet. Her eyes were teary and red with fatigue. After a beat, she answered.

"I needed to talk to you."

Olivia leaned against the doorway. "So talk."

Alex sighed. "I can't believe you did that," she said simply. "You actually want me gone. You would do that to me even with the State Bar breathing down my neck. You would request a new ADA… You could have ruined my career today. Hell, I could still show up tomorrow and not be allowed in the building! My ass in on the line!"

"_Your _ass?!" Olivia retorted, her voice raw with rage."What about Nikki Sherman?! Think how she'll feel knowing that we could have done something about that bastard who raped her, but thanks to you he's a free man!! _You _sacrificed _her _justice, _her _peace of mind, all for a slim chance that you'll stay in business another day!"

Alex rolled her eyes. "See, that's your problem right there! You always get emotionally invested in everything you do. This is an impersonal line of work, Olivia!" she spat out the detective's name as if it were a curse. "Even if the issues we deal with are of the most private nature, we can't afford to start caring! You just don't see that… You see your mother in every victim! You're absolutely incapable of ANY separation of your work and your life!!!"

Olivia's mouth dropped open. "Well excuse me for wanting to help people, Alex!!! I guess _you _just don't see that because you're a selfish, workaholic, narcissistic little bitch!!!"

Her last words hung in the air and seemed to echo in the empty hallway. Alex just stared at Olivia, unmoving. Only the tear slipping down her cheek gave any indication that she felt anything in relation to what had just happened. But after a few seconds, she broke. Her face contorted into an expression of pure agony as she began to sob.

Olivia was in shock. "Oh, Alex…" she said exasperatedly. "Come on, Al, stop it… Don't cry. I didn't mean that, I really didn't…" She reached out to touch the ADA's shaking shoulder. Alex moved closer to her, still sobbing.

"Come on, Al… I'm sorry. I just got carried away…. Shhhh…." Olivia crooned as she pulled Alex into a hug. The blonde woman's sobs subsided as she cried into Olivia's shoulder. Olivia led her gently inside the apartment.

"Here… Why don't you sit down and take a minute?" she said as she pulled out a chair for Alex. "I can make tea if you want."

The blonde sniffed. "Sure…"


	2. Chapter 2

The three minutes that it took to prepare the mug of earl grey passed in tense silence. Olivia kept her eyes down, aware that Alex was staring at her. She was going over what she was going to say to the ADA. She wanted to approach the situation in a way that was sensitive, but still conveyed her unwavering insistence that Nikki's rapist needed to be brought to justice.

The mug made a faint noise as Olivia set it on the table.

"It's hot," she cautioned. Alex wrapped her hands around it anyway, letting the heat turn the palms of her hands red before removing them and lifting the mug to her mouth to take a sip.

"It's difficult," Alex finally said. "I've got a reputation to uphold, and nearly the entire city knows about the State Bar investigation. I figured that it was the best way to get some of the pressure off my back."

Olivia sat down next to Alex. "That may be so," she said, "But what about Nikki?"

"I figured that the guy would be out in a few years anyway, even if we did prosecute him. But now I realize…" She trailed off and took another sip of her tea. The warm liquid went down her throat and seemed to carve a path for the next words out of her mouth.

"I realize that it's wrong. The guilt is eating me up, just devouring me. I can only imagine how mad Nikki must be, how disappointed. She probably feels like her life is ruined. And all she wants is her trial, which I can give her." Her mouth opened to say something else, but thought the better of it at the last moment. Olivia noticed.

"Al? Is there something else?"

Alex sighed. "And I couldn't stand to have you mad at me. You know what it felt like when you told me about the request?" She drew a shaky breath. "It felt like someone had stabbed me. A sharp pain in my chest. And after a while it dulled a bit, but it's still there…"

Olivia put her hand on Alex's shoulder.

"I need it gone, Liv. I can't do it anymore."

Olivia looked at the woman before her, her eyes watering once more. She reached over and wiped a tear from Alex's porcelain cheek.

"I'm sorry…" she breathed. "I was acting in the moment. It was a busy day, with Dickie going missing on top of everything. I wish you could see how much I regret it now."

Alex looked into Olivia's deep brown eyes. And after a moment, she spoke.

"I think I can see…"

Olivia pulled Alex into a hug. Alex closed her eyes, relieved to have patched things up. All she could smell was Olivia, all she could think of was the woman in her arms.

They pulled away from each other after a moment. Olivia moved in closer to Alex, pressing their lips together in a tender kiss.

"I love you," she whispered.

Alex exhaled deeply. "I know."

Olivia smiled and stood, pulling Alex up with her. "You look exhausted, Al. Let's get you to bed."

The blonde followed Olivia into the bedroom with no hesitation, leaving the mug of tea still steaming on the table.


	3. Chapter 3

The sun was just rising, the sky tainted with the muted blue that can only be seen in the first hours of the day. Alex lay in bed, Olivia curled up against her. She ran her hand over the detective's brown hair, still not believing her luck. Even after all the time they had been together, she couldn't grasp how it was that the fantastic woman in her arms loved her as much as she did. It was near incomprehensible.

Olivia stirred. Alex looked down at her face and watched as the brown eyes fluttered open.

"You're beautiful when you sleep." Alex whispered.

Olivia smiled. "You're beautiful all the time."

Alex laughed and nudged Olivia gently. Then she sighed.

"Liv, about last night…"

Olivia sat up. "What about it?"

Alex licked her lips before continuing. "I'm going to press charges. Again."

Olivia smiled. "That's my girl." She gave Alex a quick kiss before settling back into her previous position.

Alex bent her head down to Olivia's hair and kissed the top of her head affectionately. "Did you know I would?"

Olivia sighed. "I had a feeling. But even if you didn't…" She sat up again to look into Alex's eyes. "Even if you didn't, I still would have loved you."

Alex's breath caught in her throat. She pulled Olivia closer to her and laughed incredulously. The detective moved away and looked at Alex, perplexed.

"What?" she asked.

Alex shook her head and placed her hand over Olivia's, turning it over and lacing their fingers together. After a moment, she spoke.

"I'm just so lucky to have you."

Olivia cocked her head to the side and angled Alex's face towards her own, so that their eyes locked. She sighed.

"You've always had me, Al."

No more words were exchanged between the two that morning. They just lay still, bathed in love and the early morning sunlight.

That was all they needed.


End file.
